Do you sometimes feel like “time out” just isn’t working? You keep putting your child in time out, and she keeps doing the same thing over and over.

Wondering what you can do instead of “time out” to teach your child the differences between right and wrong? There are alternatives!

Here are some you can utilize during your next meltdown!

Describing Feelings. Sometimes just helping her describe her feelings helps. Children act out and do things they shouldn’t because they are frustrated and unable to describe what they are feeling. Acknowledging their feelings and giving them a name for their feelings can help them to feel less frustrated. Instead of jumping in and telling them they need to apologize and yelling at them that they can’t do that, stop and acknowledge that they are frustrated, angry or sad and explain to them that it is okay to feel that way that they just can’t behave in that way. This helps them to understand their feelings.

Express Feelings in a New Way. Teaching her a different way to express her feelings is another way to help her. Once you’ve helped your child describe her feelings it’s time to help her deal with them in a more constructive manner. If your child is hitting because she is angry that someone has taken her toy away, acknowledge that she is angry and give an alternative to hitting you or someone else. Tell her, “I know you are angry that your toy was taken away from you, but I can’t let you hit someone. Try hitting this pillow instead.” Make sure you let your child know that you still love them and that she hasn’t lost your approval. There are more acceptable ways to express your anger than hitting someone.

Tune into Feelings. Teaching a child to tune into their feelings instead of just offering praise when they do something good is another alternative to time out. Prevent the behavior before it begins. “How did it feel when you helped pick up your toys?” This helps her to start thinking about her feelings and stay in touch with those feelings. If children are more in touch with their feelings they are less likely to act out.

Stay and Listen. Stay and listen to them when they are really upset. When a child is very upset they are not going to understand or listen to reasons they shouldn’t behave a certain way. They are not going to understand why they are in time out. They just know that they are upset. Let them know that you are there. Rub their back, if they don’t mind the touch, and just sit and listen to them. Do not push them and expect them to get over it quickly, just sit with them until they are calm. This will let them know that you are there for them no matter what and that you love them always. It also lets them know that you can handle their emotions.

Redirection. Redirection is also a great way to keep them from doing something that they shouldn’t be doing. If your child is doing something unsafe you certainly want to teach them that it is unsafe but making a big scene isn’t going to get the message across that it isn’t okay. For example if your child is climbing near the stove you can calmly tell them, “You’re a great climber, but you can get a big boo-boo if you climb there.” Then you can take them to a safe place to practice climbing like the couch or a pile of pillows. “If you want to climb here is a safe place to do that.”

Many times children misbehave because they don’t understand their feelings or ways to express those feelings. Helping them understand their feelings and way to express them safely is a great alternative to time outs and prevents the bad behavior in the long run.

So I encourage you to try out the new tactics and just see how they do!
Thanks for reading, hope this helps!

-Ms. Cheryl
Literacy Leader
Totally Awesome Toddler Teacher

Empower your kids! There is a difference between giving your children empowerment, and giving them THE power, as I will explain.

Example: constantly telling your child that they are perfect is going to give them a sense of entitlement; telling your child each day how they can be successful is called empowerment.

Take a few minutes out of each day to remind your child just how amazing they are, and what they can do. “John you did an amazing job picking out your clothes today and getting ready so fast!” They are going to find new confidence in their lives by giving them these simple tools for their daily lives.

• Let your child make decisions even if you know it is not going to end positively- let them fail and take reasonable risks; they will learn from it!
• Help them learn patience- help them to realize that not EVERYTHING has immediate gratification (plant a garden)
• Don’t bail them out every time- let them make decisions to deal with the consequence whether they be positive or negative outcomes
• Lead by example- show respect, show that you care for yourself and others equally and passionately, have gratitude about your life, and be self-sufficient

Next time you are at the park encourage them to climb that ladder or jump from that new distance. It’s going to be scary as hell for you as their guardian, but so cool as their life mentor!

Empower your Kids by Unplugging!

In the technologically filled world that we live in, remind your children that the best things in life take time. Make sure to take time to unplug each day to connect with the natural world. Lie in the backyard at night, and start reading a long book together. Read one chapter per night to build some anticipation about what is going to happen next.

There are so many safe ways to let children fail and benefit from it. If they are doing something that they love, but you usually help them or do it for them, take the back seat next time. Offer encouragement and that is all. Let them dress themselves, or bake the pie, or paint their nails, or give the dog a bath. They will learn from their mistakes and do better next time. By fixing their own mistakes they will feel so much pride from doing it all on their own; which in turn will fill you with pride.

Lead by Example

The last tip of leading by example will transform your child’s outlook on life. You are their first and number one teacher. Take a step back and realize just how many things they do the same way that you do. Is it the positive version of you that is being reflected? If not, do something about it. Your children are still growing and changing each day. It is not too late to give them some empowering footsteps to follow in.

Feeling overwhelmed yet? Don’t. You’re going to screw up, and you’re going to do it in front of your little ones. The way you react to it is what they’re going to remember. So be you, and they will learn to be them. One day, they will thank you when they are in your shoes and raising some of their own minions.

Thanks for the read!

Ms. Brooke
Literacy Leader
Curriculum Instruction Coordinator
Rockin’ Pre-K Teacher