As adults, we sometimes forget how difficult it is for a child to go to a new school. They have to go by themselves to a new school, a new classroom, and to have to try to form a whole new group of friends.

For many children there is a lot of anxiety and stress around the first few days and weeks at a new school. This discomfort can be a lot more pronounced if the child is naturally more introverted and shy or has difficulty in starting conversations.

Parents can help their children as the “new kid” by working with the child on how to strike up a conversation, what to look for in a friend, and how to meet new peers and adults in the school. At the same time, parents of kids familiar with the school and with an already established peer group can also talk to their kids about how to include new students in a way that is welcoming and inviting.

New Kids

To help with children going to a new school, or when they are in a school where they know only a few people, parents can help by:

• Brainstorming a list of important qualities to look for in a friend
• Develop a list of conversation starter topics that the child is comfortable with and that are interesting to other kids
• Learn about the neighborhood and the school together by doing some online research. This will help the child feel more comfortable about the school itself as well as local areas.
• Go to the school and spend some time on the playground, ideally with other kids around, so your child gets to know a few recognizable faces
• It is also important to encourage your kids to stay connected to their existing friends. They can write letters, send emails, or make phone calls to keep that connection and to help them feel in a group.

Returning Children

For parents of kids returning to the same school, helping them to understand the challenges for the “new kids” can help them to come up with ways to make newcomers feel welcome.

The same activities, including brainstorming what a new person to the school would need to know, can help parents and kids develop some concrete ways to help new children adjust to the school. Encouraging kids to introduce themselves, start conversations and be helpful is a gift a parent can give that will help their child have positive interactions with others for life.

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Mentoring is one of the oldest teaching methods in the world. Mentoring is really a personal coaching strategy where someone that has a specific skill or subject matter expertise works with another person to impart their knowledge in a very personal and connected way.

With January being National Mentoring Month, it is time for everyone to get busy in helping each other to learn something new or to master a skill they are having challenges with.

The Benefits of Mentoring
The great thing about mentoring is that it is a one-on-one learning method. When you first sat down with your kids and read them a story and they followed along with their fingers and said a word they recognized you were being a highly effective mentor.

Since mentoring is one-on-one the feedback is immediate and proactive. The learner doesn’t struggle through multiple mistakes; they are gently, positively and proactively supported so that they learn how to do the specific task or skill correctly the first time.

However, the benefits of mentoring go beyond just learning math, reading, the alphabet or how to print. It is about feeling the connection of learning and life, and also for the learning to gain self-confidence as they try to learn and master new skills.

If you stop and think about it mentoring is happening every day with your children. When you teach them how to make cookies or how to use a new computer you are being a mentor. Kids that have this type of support are much more willing to try new things, to challenge themselves and to feel wonderful about the accomplishments that they achieve, even if they have a few difficulties along the way.

Get Involved
Talk to your child’s teachers about volunteering to come in and mentor a child. This is a wonderful way to not only help your own child see how you value school and education, but to also give to a child or small group of children that may not have an active parent in their life.

In addition, encourage your child to use mentoring services offered by the school. Many schools have a “big buddy” system where children in higher grades come in and read or do basic math with a “little buddy” which is an excellent way to allow students to experience the benefits of mentoring in a very personal way.

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While these questions can take parents by surprise planning in advance how and what to talk to your children about when they ask about death can help you.

It is critical not to avoid or try to brush off the questions as that will only cause more confusion and perhaps even fear if children pick up your discomfort on the subject.

Stay Child Centered
It is very important to discuss death and dying at the child’s level of understanding. Taking in abstract terms or using common phrases about death to kids will only cause confusion. You certainly can talk about spiritual or religious beliefs about the death and dying with your children but keep them at an age appropriate level.

Be careful not to use terms like “sleeping” or “passed on” or “lost” but rather be compassionate and honest. Children need a clear description that makes sense to them. Even younger children can understand that a body can stop working when a person is in an accident or is elderly. Often this type of honest, clear and simple explanation is enough for a youngster.

Talk About Real World Examples
It is important, especially with younger children, to stay to simple examples and not to try to include too many concepts at one time. It is important for children to understand that death is a normal part of life without stressing the mortality of the child or of you as the parent. It is also important to remember that younger children, especially those under the age of 10, may see death as reversible.

Kids may ask about a pet, family member or loved one’s death repeatedly. Be patient and provide a consistent answer that provides the information the child is seeking. Talking to a counselor or reading a book about death that is at an age appropriate level can help a parent start the conversation and allow children to ask the questions they may be worrying about.