Growing up I had simple ideas of who I wanted to be or what I wanted to do as an adult. First it was a singer, then maybe a basketball star, or maybe a photographer of some sorts. I dabbled in all of it.

My parents took me to auditions for television, I played on nationally competitive ball teams, and my parents bought me my first camera. They fostered and cared for my every passion- no matter how frequent it changed.

Of course, I didn’t quite realize their drive for my success at the time but now, as an adult, hindsight shows me just how important of an influence my parents had on my interests. And now, as a mother, I understand it.

It wasn’t until the end of high school I had more of an understanding of what it was I truly wanted to do; I wanted to help people. I entered a university as a psychology major and growing up in a large military community, I thought the Veteran Affairs Office was where I was headed. Of course, my parents supported this dream too and I hit the ground running. I networked with the right people and worked hard in school. But, I still felt myself wanting to do “more” and feeling that maybe I wasn’t focusing on the right goal.

My desire to do more all started about my second year of schooling- I became a mother towards the end of my sophomore year and all of a sudden I was someone’s protector. Suddenly I had a little boy who looked up to me and the pressure of finding my “calling” was ever-present. However, there’s more to life than fulfilling ideas of how to make a living. The vital piece of information, that many miss, is finding who you are. Understanding the concept of self-actualization helps form a better realization of what you’re doing with your life, and where you want to be.

Self actualization means being all you can be, honoring your unique gifts and talents, and living a life of passion and purpose. In school, I was taught Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs. Basic needs need to be met, like food and water, then safety, love, self esteem- then self actualization becomes available. Of course, this is something I subconsciously was always striving for, but now I wanted to be an example of it for my son.

Sarah Lendt, a nationally certified counselor, states “Self-actualization is looking outside ourselves to do good for others, and receiving satisfaction in life for such behaviors.” She also states that people who have reached self actualization utilize their passions and talents in a realistic manner.

After having my son, I realized my talent was connecting with children. I had already been in early childhood for four years but becoming a mom only strengthened my ability to understand youth. My passion, still lied in psychology and I earned my BA after many night, Saturday, and online classes. When I graduated, I unexpectedly lost sight of what I wanted to do. See, that’s the thing about understanding yourself, it flows in seasons just like the rest of life. Events happen, you grow, you learn, and you readjust. My readjustment lead me to my end goal of elementary school counseling, my passion and talent finally collided.

There’s a lot of mess in finding yourself. A lot of struggle, a lot of questions, and a lot of those readjustments. I’m happy my son was a part of all of that this first time around. I never want to pretend to be anything less than human in front of him. I’ve learned that children learn best by example and all I hope is that I am a realistic one, with a touch of drive and beating the impossible.

I was blessed with parents who encouraged my every dream but also let me see the humanness in them. My goal, for myself and as a parent, is to set an example of enjoying the journey of life while reaching self-obtained goals. I need to show my boy how to find himself in this world by showing him that I find myself, time and time again.

~ Ms. Caitlin, Wellness Director

I’ve been a teacher for many years. I have also raised two beloved, smart and awesome children. They amaze me every day with what they are capable of. My main goal when teaching my own children and the children that come into my class each year, has always been to get them the tools to be respectful and self sufficient adults. For the past decade here are some techniques and strategies I’ve learned and used on how to respect your kids and in return gain their respect as well.

1. Be honest. Most people look at this and think okay that’s easy. But if you look at through a child’s perspective it truly is not. How many times have you said “I’ll pick you up early from school right after lunch”, but you don’t get there until after nap? Or you say “you can’t eat that cookie before dinner” and after five minutes of whining you give in just to make them stop? Things like this may seem such a big deal to you as an adult but to a child it is everything.

Even when it’s hard it is important to mean what you say and follow through with what you said. It’s the little things that start to build that foundation of trust. If you break your word on the little things how are they going to believe you when they grow older and are dealing with more important and serious situations?

They may not remember exactly what situation happened when they were little that taught them that you don’t do what you say or speak truthful, but the impression is forever imprinted on them.

When my son was five he began asking me if Santa was real. I really made my husband angry because I told my son the truth. I always felt that if he was old enough to ask he was old enough for the answer. I don’t mean give them all the details. You how much of an answer your child is ready for. I really believe that because I answered questions like that honestly when he was younger made it easier for him to approach me later in his teens with much tougher questions.

2. Deal with mistakes. Don’t be afraid to make them in front of your child and don’t be afraid to let them make them. Feeling as if you’re invulnerable in your child’s eyes might make you feel great but actually hurts them in the end. If you don’t make mistakes you can’t teach them how to reasonably fix mistakes.

Don’t be afraid to tell your child I’m sorry. When you admit to mistakes it allows them to make and admit to them to. Being fallible shows children that you are strong and can move through adversity. This way when they grow up they can feel strong and have the self assurance that they can too.

3. Listen. Look them in the eye. Talk to them like they can understand you and if they don’t take the time to explain to them what you need or want. Really listen to their words. Please don’t just nod your head and say yep, sure, okay. Engage them in what they are talking about.

Think about the moments that are important to them, like dropping them off at school and picking them up from school. That routine may seem redundant to you but it is everything to them. That phone call can wait five or ten minutes. You can arrive home a few minutes later because they want to show you something in class. In this world everyone is in a hurry and they forget that these moments are foundations for your child to be who they will be as adults.

Taking a few minutes to really engage your child and not just be a physical presence shows them that they have worth. That they are important. I had a child in my class many years ago. She was smart and kind. Every time she got picked up from school her parent would get her papers and art that she worked so hard on and throw it in the trash on the way out the door right in front her.

Needless to say by the end of the year she didn’t bother working so hard. You might take home the same picture over and over but your child needs to see that you care about it. Look at it. Ask them about it. Engage them.

Easy enough right? So the challenge from reading this blog is to try, truly try and introduce these techniques into your already-existing parenting style. See what difference it makes in a weekend, and then a week. Soon enough you won’t think you’re doing it, it will just be second nature!

~ Ms. Dotty, ECE Professional
Young Scholars Academy